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Who doesn’t want to live yoga off the mat? The answer to that seems kind of obvious, especially if you observed the turnout at this past weekend’s Being Yoga conference at the Omega Institute. We all want to be more compassionate, calmer, and definitely less angry. But most of us don’t have an easy time doing that in our every day life, no matter how advanced our asana practice is.

Seasoned teachers like Darren Rhodes and Elena Brower, who visited Omega to give their off-the-mat advice during the weekend’s many on-the-mat asana classes know that first-hand. As Rhodes framed his own anxiety on the opening night of the conference, when he’s not teaching and traveling, he’s worrying about teaching and traveling.

The same kinds of problems affect how we approach anger and compassion too: during her workshop Yoga for a Broken Heart, Seane Corne focused on her personal experience with how you can’t just namaste your way out of a bitter relationship or a heated interaction. If you spend all your time trying to be the most politically correct yogi, the anger or grief or other emotion you don’t acknowledge will cumulatively build and take control.

That’s how we end up leaving explosive voicemails or writing completely over-the-top break-up emails while drunk, Corne wryly noted—because we fail to acknowledge our animal nature, our irrational half.

So what’s a compassionate yogi to do? According to Pandit Rajmani Tigunait in the latest issue of Yoga International, the last thing you want to do is to suppress your anger. Anger is a much stronger form of energy than kindness and compassion and can be a more powerful unifying force, he says. Give his article a read to learn how to channel your anger and see it as a way to experience your own inherent fullness.

And THEN: Share your own story with us. How were you able to express your anger wisely and purposefully? We want Yoga International to become a wider forum for fearless honesty and intelligent discussion.

Also in the fall issue

Try our 10-minute home yoga practice

Discover four simple ways to make the fruits of summer last well into fall.

Learn how to build the determination and confidence you need in an asana sequence to practice the challenging pose Tittibasana.

Photo (cc) by Flickr user Robert Francis; original artwork by Shepard Fairey

Why does changing eating habits have to be so hard? Overcoming old addictions and mustering up enough self-discipline to stick to the new diet can feel overwhelming, no matter how determined you are. By focusing on what you eat and ignoring how you approach healthy eating, you can even create obstacles that prevent you from having a nurturing relationship with food. It’s not uncommon to become so obsessed with eating the “right” foods that your diet turns into a source of anxiety and frustration rather than a way to create harmony.

Here are some common obstacles in approaching healthy eating and how these challenges can be overcome:

1. Problem: You depend on healthy eating to fix everything.  Sure, eating mostly clean, energy-dense foods like fresh veggies and nourishing whole grains will make you healthier. But relying on your diet to make you happier, feel more secure, or transform your whole life can lead to disappointment at best and, even worse, to an unhealthy obsession with eating “right.”

Solution: Instead of demanding that your food transform your life, try eating just a little more healthfully—without expectations or judgments. A peaceful, and self-forgiving, mindset can bring you joy right now, whereas eating only the most nutritious foods in a state of anxiety and self-conflict will defeat the purpose of eating better.

2.  Problem: You are trying to make dramatic dietary changes too suddenly. Not only will this make the detoxification process more difficult, it may cause you to abandon your healthy eating goals altogether, after a short burst of determined effort, and simply return to your prior eating habits.

Solution: Take baby steps. Try to eat mostly plants and whole grains, gradually increasing your intake of nourishing foods that appeal to you the most. Avoid the worst offenders: processed foods, junk foods, sugars, and nutrient-empty carbs. If you manage these two general guidelines and eat with mindful attention you won’t need such zealous determination to stick to your self-imposed rules.

3. Problem: You are letting the advice of others replace your body’s wisdom. Reading health books and getting advice from diverse sources will help you gather information and establish the lifestyle habits that serve you. But don’t allow the advice of the experts to override the needs of your body. Only you know what feels right for you.

Solution: When we practice yoga asana, the guideline is generally to use the instructor’s words as steppingstones while ultimately relying on your inner teacher to fully express your practice. Eating healthfully is similar: the key isn’t to do what you’re told, adhering perfectly to external guidelines, but rather to use outside information to inform the changes you incorporate into the diet that’s ideal for your unique constitution, preferences, and capacity.

In essence, mindfully discovering your individual path to wellness is a lot like practicing yoga on the mat: it’s important and enjoyable to stay in the moment without projecting into the future, to be gentle with yourself, to take it at your own pace, and to be sensitive to the voice of your inner wisdom.

Being “nice” is one of the most notable hallmarks of the Land of 10,000 Lakes that I used to call home. Not only is the population known for its agreeable nature, the whole state is, at least in legend—as National Public Radio veteran Garrison Keillor describes Lake Wobegon—a place where “all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average. “

That’s right. Nice, handsome, strong, and above average. I really didn’t believe that growing up. I’ve never considered myself nice or particularly tactful. And “Minnesota Nice” is really more often thought of as both “Minnesota Ice,” and “Minnesorta Nice.” Some Minnesota transplants have called natives like us chilly. Others just cut to the chase and call us passive aggressive.

Yet no matter how hard I tried to separate myself from Minnesota Nice, I never really learned how to be assertive or to stand up for myself without being verbally aggressive. How does anyone (in the heat of the moment) let go of her need to be heard? Or to be right?

No one I’ve met has any easy answers to that. Old, ingrained habits die hard, I guess. As yoga teacher Sarah Goddard puts it, many of us have only ever known two methods of communicating—“culturally, we’ve been educated either to put up or shut up or yell and scream.”

But by all means, no one should ever be a doormat. That’s what Irene Petryszak discovered—in a reflection on her marriage and how to practice nonviolence, she notes, “I remembered the wisdom of the sage who reminded a bruised and battered snake he had once advised to practice ahimsa: ‘I told you not to bite, but I didn’t tell you not to hiss.’”

That lesson certainly woke me up. Here are a few more tips I learned from Goddard that might help you stand up for yourself, too, in a more conscious, kinder way—without caving in.

In the heat of an argument your first impulse might be to judge or overpower the other person. Pause for a moment instead. Ask yourself how you actually feel, what you need right at that moment, and why. “Typically, when I’m angry or sad there’s something I’m wanting or needing that is unclear to me, or I’m overreacting out of habit.” says Goddard.  Recognizing what these feelings and needs actually are, she says, gives you the power to choose what action to take – whether it’s to ask something of the other person,  ask something of yourself, or simply let it go.

Recognize that communication is a skill and, like anything other skill, you need to practice it till you get better at it. It’s bound to be awkward, at least in the beginning. If you’re interested, try letting friends or your partner know what you want to accomplish. They could become the basis of a supportive community for experimenting with other ways of connecting or communicating.

Still upset? If you feel like a storm is a ’brewing inside you minutes or even hours after an exchange, try to come back to your breath. Focused breath awareness calms emotional reactions.  You can do this by practicing sandbag breathing or breath awareness in crocodile pose, says Goddard, or while sitting at your desk or in any chair.  Just sit still and focus on re-establishing a smooth, continuous, even and deep breath.

Fostering habits and techniques like these might not be the instant fix you’re looking for to rein in a runaway temper, but over time each one will hone your ability to observe your own emotions without reacting.

Looking for additional reading? Goddard recommends checking out What We Say Matters by yoga’s own pioneering teacher Judith Hanson Lasater and her husband Ike Lasater, or Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.

We’d love to keep this conversation going. What helps you get your needs met without overreacting? Add your own recommendations or responses in the comments below.

Photo (cc) by Flickr user  {studiobeerhorst}-bbmarie

Sadie Nardini has an unmistakable presence. She has the fired-up looks of a high-voltage rock frontwoman and she’s certainly no stranger to controversy; her decision to publicize why she was ditching vegetarianism for a healthier diet fueled a massive conversation online about what a yoga practitioner “should” or shouldn’t eat. She’s taught yoga for 20 years, studying with alignment-based yoga teachers like Leslie Kaminoff. While her style of yoga—Core Strength Vinyasa—sounds like a sweaty power yoga class; it’s not. Sadie aims to make “core strength” a conversation much more about alignment and even self-surrender, than about killer abs.

I aimed to find out why.

What do you think the most common misconceptions are when it comes to building core strength?
That core strength comes from strengthening or working the abs—when in fact, the abs are meant more for breathing and moving rather than spinal stabilization.

If we want to stabilize the spine most efficiently we want to look at the deeper core muscles that are found closer to the spine or even on the spine—like the psoas and the quadratus lumborum. Those two muscle groups are extremely crucial to developing proper core strength, but most teachers never teach them.

What problems do you see in yoga classes when that’s not a focus?
In vinyasa classes, injuries are becoming more common, and misalignment in vinyasa-flow yoga is epidemic. I see major mis-instruction happening in almost every class I attend. It’s surprising. Many teachers are teaching from a place of misinformation, so the students follow that and their bodies aren’t moving properly and they get hurt.

A lot of common instructions like turn your hips forward in Warrior I are extremely damaging to the body. Take a skeleton, put it in warrior I, put the back foot at 45 degrees, and then just turn the hips forward, and watch the knee joint twist horribly. When I do this in a class, it’s like [Macaulay Culkin in] Home Alone—their hands are on their cheeks and they’re screaming (laughs) and it’s amazing to watch. But that’s a really common instruction.

Just undoing some of these urban legends [of misalignment] is really my main goal. I think a lot of people see me as this fun, rock star of yoga, but when they get into a room with me they’re learning deep, real, yoga principles.  (laughs).

So how does that kind of anatomy of movement affect our everyday life—why does it matter?
Let’s say your boss really stresses you out. And whenever you’re at work, your shoulders are tight because you’re not in a good space. You’re anxious there. So you end up getting these really locked-up shoulders. Which then start radiating because they are connected to your back-body line, and cause a tight neck, tight low back, tight hamstrings.

And one day in class you tear your hamstrings in a class and you think it’s because of the hot room. But it’s actually because of your relationship and disagreement with your crappy boss. (Laughs) So you gotta go back to the source and correct that [emotional alignment] from dysfunctional to functional. From limiting to loving. With compassion for yourself.

Once you stop putting up with whatever makes you anxious, once you start moving away from the drama, and start maintaining a sense of peace and ease within your life, you’ll start seeing your body transform.

I get that. I just started realizing how much I physically stick my neck out. It’s obviously bad for my shoulders—but I do it whenever I’m agitated, or annoyed, or feel defensive.
I do my own thing. My belly will get really tight if I get pissed off and I can feel it if I get nervous or anxious. It’s a reminder to me that I am not trusting in my own strength, and I feel like there is something to defend or something to lose. Whenever we believe that we start to tighten up.

I think it’s important to have an element of surrender within our strength, to balance our shtira with some sukha. Give ourselves a chance to feel some of that freedom as well as the power. That’s why I say the abdominal muscles are really supposed to be resilient for breathing and movement.

Because that’s what gets tight when we feel defensive—we stop breathing when we feel threatened.
Yes, exactly! I always have students at the beginning of class tighten all their abs and then try to inhale. You can’t. That’s why I tell my students to keep a soft belly, and a strong core.

Do you have any other tips or advice for yoga practitioners and teachers?
I would say 95% of every yoga pose is really aligned before you get to it. It’s what happens on the journey. Most people get into a pose and then start trying to align. That doesn’t work—you’re already in full expression. You’re locked out of your deep core align, you’re locked out of your pelvis.

I think it’s the most lost opportunity for teachers to not understand how to build a pose from the ground up. But to instead wait until they get there and then save students from carnage (laughs) and it doesn’t work.

So I’m helping teachers of all styles learn how to create a pose before it looks like a pose. 

Before they have to give an assist that might not be very helpful?
Yeah. A lot of teachers—Kripalu, Ashtanga, Kundalini, of all styles—starting to include these deep core alignments and transitions write to me to say that they’ve doubled their class sizes. Because students can feel that it’s a more effective method, they’re sore in places they’ve never been sore—people seem to like that—but they know that they’re working smarter. They can feel that and they feel more natural. And they don’t feel the pain that they used to in their joints during yoga.

Other people have other teachings, but that’s mine.

So you want to study Core Strength Vinyasa? You can practice yoga with Sadie for free online—she offers over 150 yoga classes on Youtube. She also offers Online Rockstar Teaching Training.

Photo by F. Holland Photography